🕵️‍♂️ Privacy Policy

Last Updated: May 2025

Welcome to Guerrilla Memo, where your data is treated with more respect than your unit treats its outdated SharePoint portal.

This Privacy Policy explains how we handle your information. No fluff. No legalese that sounds like it was written by a defense contractor trying to win a sole-source award.

1. What We Collect (and Why)

When you subscribe to the Memo, we collect:

• Email address – so we can drop weekly(ish) truth bombs directly in your inbox

• Name (optional) – so Sgt. Jax knows who to address when you make the Hall of Shame

• Analytics data – clicks, opens, reads. We use this to see what works and what flops harder than a Joint AI Directive

We don’t collect:

• Your social security number

• Biometric data

• Whether or not you can pass a cyber awareness test on the first try

2. How We Use Your Info

We use your intel to:

• Deliver satirical content you signed up for

• Improve Guerrilla Memo’s targeting (no kill chain, just open rates)

• Occasionally ask you to fill out surveys, because democracy thrives on feedback

We will never sell your data to third parties. Not even if Raytheon offers us a free tote bag.

3. Third-Party Services

We run Guerrilla Memo on Substack, which means:

• Your data is also governed by Substack’s privacy policy

• Emails are delivered through Substack’s platform

• Substack may track performance metrics to see which posts hit like a Javelin and which fizzle like a procurement reform bill

We might use tools like Google Analytics — but only to spy on our own traffic, not yours.

4. Cookies (Not the Good Kind)

Like every site not run by COBOL scripts, Guerrilla Memo uses cookies to:

• Keep track of sessions

• Understand site usage

• Pretend we care about "user journey optimization"

You can disable cookies in your browser, but things might look weird — like PowerPoint animations during a JROC briefing.

5. Your Rights

You can:

• Unsubscribe anytime (we’ll miss you, but Sgt. Jax won’t cry)

• Request to see or delete your data

• Yell at us via email if you’re feeling feisty

Just drop us a line at ops@guerrillamemo.com, subject line: "Privacy Breach, Probably Caused by Me"

6. Data Retention

We keep your info as long as:

• You’re subscribed

• We need it for analytics

• Jax doesn’t say “purge it” in a fit of rage

If you unsubscribe, we’ll stop sending you stuff — but some anonymized data might still be chilling in our logs, just like legacy apps on NIPRNet.

7. Security

We do our best to protect your info with commercially reasonable measures — which is code for “better than DoD travel vouchers, not quite NSA-level.”

That said, no system is perfect. If our site ever gets pwned, we’ll notify you ASAP — possibly with a meme.

8. Changes to This Policy

If we update this policy, we’ll post it here and maybe include a sassy note in the newsletter.
We won’t hide it like classified annexes.

9. Contact Us

Got questions about your data? Want to invoke your rights like a privacy-savvy warfighter?

📧 ops@guerrillamemo.com
🦍 Attention: Sgt. Jax, Department of Tactical Transparency

Guerrilla Memo: Because in the fog of war (and bureaucracy), your data shouldn’t be collateral damage.