Digital Transformation, Hold the Breadsticks

If you confuse an edge data mesh with Olive Garden’s endless salad, maybe don’t lead digital modernization.

UNCLASSIFIED// FOR OFFICIAL MOCKERY ONLY (FOMO)

SUBJECT// YOU’VE TRIGGERED MY INNER TECH GREMLIN

NARRATIVE/

DoD leadership doesn’t need to code. But they should at least know lattice isn’t something you dip in ranch.

So, there I was doom-scrolling LinkedIn when I came across a post of an Army officer asking if leadership types need to be technically proficient. Rant-trigger activated.

Ah yes, the sweet scent of freshly awakened technology PTSD. Nothing like a few buzzwords and an “agile” digital transformation slide deck to remind me that I too was once a hopeful, R&D-bred tech optimist. That was before I got drafted into the spiritual re-education camp known as Army back-office ops.

Now? I’m a grizzled veteran of the Great DigiMod Wars, assigned to fight the ghosts of Joint Vision 2020 using tools last updated when MySpace was still a thing.

You see, I used to think “tech savviness” meant something, an ability to grasp concepts, connect systems, and drive innovation. Silly me. Turns out, in the current DoD ecosystem, that just makes you dangerous. Like showing up to a Renaissance fair dressed as a Stormtrooper.

Leadership? Let’s talk about that.

We’ve got a whole brigade of semi-retired green-suiters and career civilians conducting séances with Cold War doctrine, desperately trying to channel the spirit of past battles into today’s fight. Everything is “tactical,” even when you're at the strategic level. We continually play make believe trying to build an enterprise cloud by daisy-chaining Blackberrys. Yes, sir, this will absolutely scale to the Joint Force. Just give us another working group and $10M across the FYDP.

Our operating model is pure chaos: shove edge solutions into strategic frameworks, execute without planning, and then stare confusedly at the garbage user experience like it's a quantum riddle. "Why does it suck?" they ask. Because, Colonel, it was designed for an ODA op in Kandahar, not global data fusion in INDOPACOM.

And let’s not forget the transformational heroes, Majors and Lieutenant Colonels moonlighting as multi-million-dollar program managers, equipped with a two-hour crash course in acronyms and a mild caffeine dependency. They sit politely through vendor briefings, nod sagely, and then exit the room wondering why Anduril is talking about Olive Garden’s Endless Salad.

“Hey… what did they mean by ‘lettuce’?”

Sir, that was lattice. As in, Edge Data Mesh. As in, what your system is not. But thank you for your service. When do you start TAP?

Now to the actual question posed on LinkedIn: Should leaders be technically proficient?

Nah. They don’t have to write code or build networks. But if they're making million-dollar decisions that shape the future of warfare, they should at least be able to tell the difference between HTML and a faux Italian restaurant’s “endless” soup and salad menu. What we need is technical literacy, not just buzzword fluency.

Right now, we’ve got a comprehension crisis. We're asking digitally illiterate decision-makers to govern the digital battlefield. It’s like putting someone who failed LAND NAV in charge of GPS modernization.

And guess what? That’s how you get Joint All-Domain Confusion.

So yes, you triggered me. But also, thank you. Sometimes the truth hurts, but at least it doesn’t come with a 134-slide deck and a “transformational” roadmap.

—Sgt. Jax (in spirit), shaking his head and lighting another metaphorical cigar